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Hooligan's Holiday

© Jane Cassidy

My name is Willie Clinton, I’m in prison doing time,

I read the papers every day: I want to show that I’m

A patriotic citizen of this here USA,

And I want to tell you how I feel ‘bout what I read today.


I read they passed the Brady Bill to take a bite from crime

By making honest citizens wait for a little time

Before they buy a gun so they can fight off guys like me.

Well, that’ll make things easier for me when I get free.



Go ahead, Washington, make my day.  Make the people easy prey.

Take their silly guns away, declare it Hooligan’s Holiday.


I read they passed a law or two that says that you can’t buy

More than one gun a month, ‘cause they just can’t imagine why

You’d want to buy more anyway unless you plan to run

Them up to New York City where it’s hard to buy a gun.


Well, if you think it’s hard to buy a gun on New York streets,

It’s not if you’ve got contacts and can be kind of discreet,

And you can get machine guns if you want, and they’ve got more

Firepower than what you now can’t get in a Virginia store.




They’re planning ammunition tax – now there’s a brilliant thought!

They sure can’t get the tax on ammo that I haven’t bought.

Me and my buddies make our own, it’s much harder to trace

And it’s easier than stealing it from some well-guarded place.


I read they’re banning handguns, starting with the kind

Called “Saturday Night Specials”, the sort that jam and bind

No self-respecting criminal would carry anyhow –

So that won’t bother me when I’m released from the hoosegow.




Now I’m reading someone’s introduced some crazy bill

To repeal the second amendment, but I don’t guess they will,

‘Cause Congress just might be that dumb, but working folk are not.

But my job would feel safer without fear of being shot!


I hope you know the cops cannot protect you all the time.

Hey, they don’t even have to.  They need only solve the crime.

It doesn’t matter to me what they do in Washington,

‘Cause when I get out, I know that I can always get a gun.


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